WHOLE

the shorts were shorter then

and my chicken legs

stuck to the bus seats,

flesh spreading out

like shiny cutlets ready

to be dragged through flour.

“i’m fat,” I thought.

“you’re not,” mom said.

i started banging my head

against the bus windows

on the ride home, wanting pain
to prove i could take it. 

older now i no longer seek

to suffer and when i break

i know enough about looking

whole to fake it.